Tuesday, December 22, 2009
We've had a lot of loss this year. We've lost beloved family and friends. I wasn't prepared for the loss we had this morning.
Ten and a half years ago I decided to get a dog. My mother had recently bought a Shetland Sheepdog, and she was the cutest thing I had ever seen. When I noticed that there was an ad in the paper selling three month old Shelties for the right price, I immediately called and made an appointment to check them out. I dragged my cousin along with me and we hightailed over a hundred miles away to look at these dogs.
I had always had good luck with male dogs, so I had decided that I was better suited for a male than a female. When we arrived at our destination and the breeder took us over to the puppies, I had four of them to chose from. I immediately grabbed the male and started petting on it. My cousin reached down and grabbed the runt of the bunch. She was obviously terrified of him because she shook like a leaf, but as he stroked her baby soft fur she became relaxed and settled down. Even though I had the male dog in my arms, my attention kept going over to the puppy my cousin was holding. She looked at me with these big brown eyes and my heart was lost in that instant.
I put down the male dog, grabbed her out of my cousins arms and the rest was history.
I named her Daisiemae and she has been my constant companion throughout the past almost 12 years. We've been through a lot together. Through good and bad times, I've known that Daisie was the one thing I could depend on. Even when I met my husband for the first time, I knew if he didn't have Daisie's approval he would not be the one for me. Lucky for Daisie and I, it was love at first sight for both of them.
She's been a huge part of who I've been in the past several years. When I couldn't think of a chatname or an identity for goodreads, Daisie's name came to mind. I've been known more for being Daisiemae than I am my own name and that's been fine with me.
She was my shadow. Wherever or whenever I got up and went, she was there following me. She was my best friend, protector and the child that my husband and I could never have.
Daisiemae has had kidney problems for the past year. As an eleven year old Sheltie, there really wasn't much we could do for her, except love her and keep her as comfortable as possible. I noticed that last week she stopped eating. I didn't think much of it until the past 72 hours. Her body started to shut down and I kept by her side the whole time.
This morning about four a.m. Daisie had a horrible seizure. All I could do was hold her and help her through it. When Chris came home from work at six, I knew her time was coming to an end. He picked her up, told her he loved her and how much he would miss her, and left the room. I had always heard that dogs wait or go off somewhere so they can die alone. She looked up at me with eyes that said, "I'm tired, Momma. Is it time for me to go?" I kissed her and told her it was okay to let go. She'd been the best child we could have ever had. She'd done us proud and I would think of her everyday until I took my last breath. I told her that the loved ones we lost were waiting for her, and that she was needed there. I kissed her one more time and walked out of the room. I peeked in less than two minutes later and she was gone.
We wrapped her up in her favorite blanket with her favorite toy and buried her at her favorite place in the backyard.
I'm overwhelmed with grief right now. I know time heals all wounds, but my heart is truly broken. I thought we had more time with our girl. She would have been 12, January 9th, and I was really looking forward to this birthday.
This Christmas is going to be sad, but she would want us to do our best to enjoy it. That was the way she was. She brought joy and happiness to all of the people who got to know her.
She was my heart. She was my protector. She was my Daisiemae and I'll miss her.